Support Group Humorist Pillows

Association For The Directionally Challenged

Breathe-aholics Anonymous: 'Hi, my name is Glen, and I've been clean and sober for over one minute.'

'My name's Rufus, and I'm a boneaholic.'

"Bet they fail!"

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

Applause

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"You're completely screwed up."

'What'll it be?'

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

Computer help.

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

Dog in therapy.

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

"It wasn't supposed to be funny."

I think I have a gilt complex.