Supermarket Shopping Gifts

Ready meals with honest labelling.

Deli-grill in a supermarket luring customers in.

'How can I be sure I'm getting 100 pure orange juice?' - 'Buy an orange.'

Supermarket: Food Added to Preserve Chemicals.

Health food and junk food

'I'm amazed they had ANY meat in them.'

"Diet Meal Calories: 5 calories when prepared so it's edible: 5000."

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Important Food Groups

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Dad Trophies

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Everything's gone up."

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

Witches Checkout.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

Unusual Offers