Summer Irony Fan Gifts

"This is summer?"

End the Winter Blues

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Sunbathing in the park

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'Wilson, this company needs to be better in touch with today's youth. Pierce your nipples and have a report on my desk by Monday.'

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

Gigolo Diary

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but the first minute I saw you I wished you the worst."

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

'Good news, folks - no attack today!'

"It's from our tax consultant. We forgot to beef up our pension scheme, so now we're going to be extinct."

Doctor delivers sonogram results, which include the baby's sex, his claustrophobia, his taste for trashy women...'

'Don't ask me why, but they always look tastier on the other side of the screen!'

'No, but you're getting warmer.'

A Cold Snap

The outside of a museum with a banner that reads "Nothing by you".

"It appears to have been done with a key to the city, which narrows the suspects."

If the British had been the first to see the Grand Canyon.

Daylight Saving

Man: 'What the...?!' / 404 ERROR!

'He's petitioning the Government to ban petitions.'

I like your suit, to me it says 'management'

'Dear Santa, when I asked for a ship, what I meant was...'

'and what do you do?'

Summer - the temperature is higher and the days are longer.

"I don't know about you, but I am delighted by all this incongruity."

Congress and the Four Day Week.

'Sunflowers are great: I can lie here all day long and be sure I'll have full sun-exposure...'