Summer Irony Fan Gifts

"This is summer?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

End the Winter Blues

Sunbathing in the park

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'Wilson, this company needs to be better in touch with today's youth. Pierce your nipples and have a report on my desk by Monday.'

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

Gigolo Diary

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

'Good news, folks - no attack today!'

"Don't take this the wrong way, but the first minute I saw you I wished you the worst."

"It's from our tax consultant. We forgot to beef up our pension scheme, so now we're going to be extinct."

Doctor delivers sonogram results, which include the baby's sex, his claustrophobia, his taste for trashy women...'

'Don't ask me why, but they always look tastier on the other side of the screen!'

'No, but you're getting warmer.'

A Cold Snap

The outside of a museum with a banner that reads "Nothing by you".

If the British had been the first to see the Grand Canyon.

Daylight Saving

"It appears to have been done with a key to the city, which narrows the suspects."

Man: 'What the...?!' / 404 ERROR!

'He's petitioning the Government to ban petitions.'

I like your suit, to me it says 'management'

"I don't know about you, but I am delighted by all this incongruity."

Summer - the temperature is higher and the days are longer.

What's wrong with me? I'm sure it's nothing. What's nothing? Absolutely nothing to worry about. "I'm sure it's nothing" are the evilest words in medicine!!! That's actually true.

'Dear Santa, when I asked for a ship, what I meant was...'

Executioner hit in stomach bythe head he has just cut off

' . . . but have you had a nice time?'