Sugar Switcher Gifts

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"They're healthy? All this time, Mom said carrots and raisins were nature's candy!"

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

'They're building one of those new health clubs.'

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

"Why have you brought me here?"

"I'm trying to make up my mind."

Signs of Fall

'... and instead of a brain, the wizard gave the scarecrow a smart phone.'

Floating Voters

'Let's switch sides. My feet are killing me.'

"Just because I switched political parties at an appropriate time?"

"I had to switch to tea, coffee was keeping me up all day."

'I think sugar substitutes are fattening. Have you noticed that people who use them are usually overweight?'

'I was arrested for stealing too many artificial sweetener packets from restaurants.'

'You are what you eat!'

Golfer turned Javelin thrower

"We're switching from donuts to bagels effective Tuesday. Johnson, you handle the consumer backlash."

'Why not use dental floss instead of candy floss?!'

Old Man Winter.

"She appeared shortly after I replaced the flute with a ukulele."

A moocher borrows a cup of sugar to make a sponge cake.

"Shuffle Mode"

Indian Winter

"My birthday is actually in September, but I've always identified as an Aries."

"There goes another childhood illusion. When I was a kid, he had eight reindeer."

'Two chicken lip toasties and three salmon leg baguettes...I'm guessing you're a new apprentice.'

"Watson, look. Skittles!"