Sucker For Puns Pillows

Slot Machines - Dog Wins Pile of Bones.

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

Snowman in hospital bed with snow globe I.V.

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'What's your poisson?' (Man reading report on Farmed Salmon Toxins Scare).

'How 'bout you come back and say that to me in he spring?'

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"I can't log-on. Some-one disabled cookies."

'What do you mean I used to be cute?'

'You give me goose bumps!'

Weather forecast

'I can't help you, it seems you really are npsycuts!'

"Your four-o'clock is here."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

The static electric eel is very rare.

It's not a stampede … It's a flash mob!

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"