Subway Socialite Gifts

"Mister Bones?!"

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

Children's Party

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

"We're going to the park to size up the competition."

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

Rod was unimpressed with the party - Sure, he was surrounded by bikini-clad lovelies, there was free champagne and a 20-foot jelly, but much to his chagrin, there was a distinct lack of cheese and pineapple chunks.

"Whoa! Wrong bar?"

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

A day at the races

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'Fill 'er up Fred!'

"Brian's considering the optics."

'Ah, beer! And the bringer of beer!'

'Can I get you anything? Coffee? A biscuit?...A lift home?'

Come on, honey. The neighborhood potlucks are fun. Fun?! Everyone brings something simple. Totally stress-free. Ha! Last year you made lemon-stuffed slow roasted sea bass with guacamole cilantro chutney. I won't do that again! Guacamole is over. Avocado grapefruit coulis will work.

Health organizations doubt the benefits of skiing holidays.

'Can anybody here separate their fingers and if so will you pour?'

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."

"This is the Upper East Side, sir. We don’t sell ‘well’ vodka."

"Either you're emitting the scent of power, or your phone battery is about to explode."

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

"Francophobe meet Francophile."

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

"I want you two to meet some people who just bought a fabulous five-story brownstone with a garden in Troy, New York."

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

"Your party just totally blew us away."

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'Forget the artwork who made the martinis?!'

'I like the way you don't say I've had enough.'

Sorry, formal only.