Suburbia Enthusiast Gifts

THE SMITHS/THE JOHNSONS

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Superman flies Batman over a suburban neighborhood.

Channelling on the Cheap

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

Beware of the Lawn

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"Never mind the cat! There's a squirrel stuck in a rainspout over on Lang Road!!"

"Quick! Get your gun, Pa! Here come the suburbs."

Great Urban Sprawl

"Honey, you’ve got to see this one she just left on the neighbor’s lawn—it’s perfect, like showroom condition." "Dan loved his dog."

"We're looking for a traditional suburban neighborhood with all the urban amenities."

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

"The Imaginary Playmate Meets the Invisible Fence"

'The world's first riding lawnmower.'

Giant Cannon in the Suburbs

'I don't care if the pot roast was a little dry, you had no business condemning poor Gloria to hell!'

"This happy breed of men, this little world, this blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this east end of Long Island!"

Suburban blues legends

Blissful Acres - An Ignorant Community

'The growing field of lawn enforcement'.

"The house is staged beautifully. The only thing left is to tell Duane to go inside during showings."

'His bark is worse than his bite.'

"Hello Loft Living? Could you send a rescue party to suburbia?"

'It's my first dog house with indoor plumbing.'

"The boondocks R us, I guess."