Suburban Life Appreciator Gifts

'His bark is worse than his bite.'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"The trees are laughing at us."

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

Demonic Repossession.

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'I'm not sure about the new bone specialist.'

"I remember when this was all forest..."

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

'Listen, McDonald, either knock off the E-I-E-I-O, or I call the sheriff!'

"I negotiated. He's going to let us suffocate in our own ennui!"

Moving Van.

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."

Cottage cupcakes.

'I'm afraid to a horse a carrot is just a carrot!'

"So we figured why explore Mars when, closer to home, there's still so much we don't know about the Petersens."

THE SMITHS/THE JOHNSONS

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

"Bravo! Way to stay relevant, Gary."

"The Imaginary Playmate Meets the Invisible Fence"

"When do your in-laws leave?"

Poker Moms

'The world's first riding lawnmower.'

'Where's the dog?'

'Harold arrives home from work early now. He solved all his commuting and exercise problems at once.'

"The house is staged beautifully. The only thing left is to tell Duane to go inside during showings."

"So what's it like living out in the sticks"

"We thought a soulless, desolate community would be good for the kids."