Suburban Life Appreciator T-Shirts

'His bark is worse than his bite.'

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

"The trees are laughing at us."

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

Demonic Repossession.

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'I'm not sure about the new bone specialist.'

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

"I remember when this was all forest..."

'Listen, McDonald, either knock off the E-I-E-I-O, or I call the sheriff!'

Cottage cupcakes.

"I negotiated. He's going to let us suffocate in our own ennui!"

'I'm afraid to a horse a carrot is just a carrot!'

Moving Van.

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."

"So we figured why explore Mars when, closer to home, there's still so much we don't know about the Petersens."

THE SMITHS/THE JOHNSONS

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

'The world's first riding lawnmower.'

"When do your in-laws leave?"

"Bravo! Way to stay relevant, Gary."

Poker Moms

"The Imaginary Playmate Meets the Invisible Fence"

'Where's the dog?'

'Harold arrives home from work early now. He solved all his commuting and exercise problems at once.'

'Rock beats Scissors!'

"So what's it like living out in the sticks"

"We thought a soulless, desolate community would be good for the kids."

"The house is staged beautifully. The only thing left is to tell Duane to go inside during showings."