Suburban Stylists Gifts

The Burbs

"He loves his leaf blower."

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

Ski lift mobile

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Redecorating Easter Island.

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

Ski kicker.

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

"This will look great on our bedroom wall."

Duchess of Cambridge

Hedge Car

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

I'm thinking of something in a Cheddar.

"Larry, stop signing your memos with your initials. No one takes them seriously."

Poker Moms

People putting their grocery shopping into shopping carts that are cornucopias.

"I never know whether I should get good goggles I'll lose after three runs, or cheap ones I can't see out of after five runs."

Dueling Glue Guns: Glue unto Others as you would have them glue unto you.

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

"Look lady, I told you before; anything over one-hundred pounds you gotta take to the dump yourself."

"Notice anything different about me?"

The Urban Utility Belt

"If the Greenlanders don't want to become Americans, Trump can buy our meadow! It's green, too, and we wouldn't have to keep pulling up the weeds!"

Mowing the Lawn

'Forget it, I don't support them anymore.'

"I hope I don't get any tanning lines."

"The boondocks R us, I guess."

Hairstyles to hide big ears

Tacky lawn ornament hunting. (It's a HUGE sport here in the United States!)

"'Scuse me, you getting out?"

John Hancock practices his signature

'He just found out his human has invested in some daisy reins.'

Rather Smart All Round.