Suburban Homeowner At Heart T-Shirts

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

Beware of the Lawn

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

Tortured Plank

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

It was going to be a subdivision, but they ran out of snow. Chilly Hills Estates.

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

Skimming out star reflections

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"Never mind the cat! There's a squirrel stuck in a rainspout over on Lang Road!!"

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

'Hey, buddy, this is a cattle subdivision.'

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."

"I negotiated. He's going to let us suffocate in our own ennui!"

"Honey, you’ve got to see this one she just left on the neighbor’s lawn—it’s perfect, like showroom condition." "Dan loved his dog."

Hey! Built-ins! Carpenter Ants: Best-Case Scenario.

Turn that noise down !

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

"We're looking for a traditional suburban neighborhood with all the urban amenities."

Now Selling - All-these-houses-look-alike-but-it's-what-you-do-with-them Acres.

Welcome to Illusion Estates: Illusory Living At Its Best

"This happy breed of men, this little world, this blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this east end of Long Island!"

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

Man clears up wrapping paper with a leaf blower.

Suburban blues legends

'The growing field of lawn enforcement'.

'His bark is worse than his bite.'

'It's my first dog house with indoor plumbing.'

"You know that summer's arrived when you can hear four different radio stations from your own lawn."

30 year old in the Suburbs. 30 year old in Chicago. 30 year old in San Francisco

Burbivore