Suburban Diner T-Shirts

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

"The trees are laughing at us."

The Great Drywall of Sheboygan.

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'It's exactly what I need to drive our only child to school at the end of the road.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

A man gets a paper cut while reading in his back yard and is attacked by 'Lawn Sharks'.

'The customer is always right...'

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

Beware of the Lawn

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

Tortured Plank

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

When Dinosaurs Roamed the Restaurants

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

'I'm getting the shrimp - it sounds really yummy!'

Rabbits picknick

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

'This Chardonnay is so over-oaked, it comes with a 2-year service contract from Terminix.'

Skimming out star reflections