Subtitles Skeptic Gifts

"Yeah, but I detest subtitles."

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

Bad Influence of TV

"Social service teams are claiming that they can't recruit workers because of the vicious, biased reports we write about them!"

"You wanted to miss the Matisse show."

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

'Are you sure it's necessary to sign this part declaring 'all information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge'?.'

"The news you are about to see is fictitious and is shown merely for its sensational content."

"Bark bark bark woof yap!" It might be good, but I'm just not in the mood for subtitles.

"Here's a great software update. It lets me delete all the features that I didn't want from the last update."

Subtitle Guessing

'Free wi-fi for husbands.'

"I'm not a fan of biblical movies."

"Is there a discount for someone who doesn't want to see the movie?"

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

"I'm binge ignoring everything you're binge watching."

'We'd like to return it. There wasn't any on-screen chemistry between us.'

"Mum, you've put it on mute with sub-titles!"

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

'The doctor from 'daytime television' said I've got gall stones, but I thought I'd better come to you for a second opinion.'

"They're subtitles dear, you don't have to text a reply."

Numb and Number.

Permanent Annoying Logo TV.

The Sequel is Coming

"It means this show has been dumbed down to the level of people who couldn't pour water out of a boot, even if the instructions were printed on the heel."

"It's hard teaching history to these kids. They don't believe anything without a video."

Warning people with clipboards operate in this area.

"I'm sorry, but I can't commit to a full movie."

Humans are not logical. A "five-start" rating is very unimpressive when you consider how many billion of us there are out there.

"A completely new concept in Television, a Vorderman free channel!!"

"Let's stop pretending we understand the English setters and just turn on the subtitles."

'Thank you for welcoming us into your...'