Subterranean Lifestyle Gifts

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

'Let go of that balloon right now!'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

'Excuse me - are you organic?'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

'I can't find a dry martini anywhere.'

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Beware of the Lawn

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

"It's people like you who are ruining rock and roll for the rest of us."

Dear Folks, it's lonely at the top.

"I want out, Laura."

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

"Wandering free. . . Wish I could be. . . part of that woooorld."

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."

Must be one of those underground bands.

Moving Van.

"I negotiated. He's going to let us suffocate in our own ennui!"

"Honey, you’ve got to see this one she just left on the neighbor’s lawn—it’s perfect, like showroom condition." "Dan loved his dog."

'You give really great cuddles mummy!'

"So we figured why explore Mars when, closer to home, there's still so much we don't know about the Petersens."

'Is this the School of Thought?'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance