Subterranean Lifestyle Gifts

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Let go of that balloon right now!'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

'Excuse me - are you organic?'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

'I can't find a dry martini anywhere.'

"It's people like you who are ruining rock and roll for the rest of us."

Beware of the Lawn

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

"I want out, Laura."

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"Wandering free. . . Wish I could be. . . part of that woooorld."

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

'You give really great cuddles mummy!'

Must be one of those underground bands.

"Honey, you’ve got to see this one she just left on the neighbor’s lawn—it’s perfect, like showroom condition." "Dan loved his dog."

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."

Moving Van.

"I negotiated. He's going to let us suffocate in our own ennui!"

"So we figured why explore Mars when, closer to home, there's still so much we don't know about the Petersens."

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

"We're looking for a traditional suburban neighborhood with all the urban amenities."

'It's been taken care of.'