Substance Use Humorist Pillows

Vern left his weed on the couch again. Bad for Vern. Good for Scooter.

Ethics exam cheater.

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

Modern Witch Shoppe

Sir Earnest Rutherford splits the opium.

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

Sea of Tranquillity

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

Middle Age Spread.

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

'We can do extensive blood work, take x-rays, check your prostate. . .or I could sell you some great weed for $50.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

"May I suggest we up your medication, sire.

"Your report card says you don't interact well with other medications."

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

"I like my job because I can afford better psychotropic drugs than my colleagues!"

"Any pain relief with the cannabis?"

'Well the dog's been passively smoking our fags for the past ten years, so I think it's only fair that he has a nicotene patch too.'

"Smoking causes cancer in humans. I'm canine."

"These drugs won't do much, but the combined side effects are a hoot!"

Cheeky Devil and Thief LTD

If you're still not suffering fools gladly in two weeks, we'll up the dosage.

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

Drunken rooster has a hangover while sun rises.

You say the plumage has lasted longer than four hours?

'You've gotta help me! I can't read my own writing!'

'And me fresh out of xanax.'

'If you experience pain and discomfort in removing the cap... double the dosage.'