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'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Giant slug attacks a city

"We cancelled Netfix for this?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'We now have 28 subscription cards in every issue, but we MUST HAVE MORE!'

'I was wondering, Mr. Hartwelder, if I could be paid in money rather than stock options?'

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

'It's only a slug Norman.'

Zika: War on Mosquitoes

Houdini 2019

Performance anxiety lessons, the more you practice something.

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

"Goliath? We want you to defeat a tech giant."

"Your sermon had everyone at rapt attention. Good move cutting the church WiFi."

David and Goliath

'What exactly is it you dislike about slugs, Mister Crabtree?'

'no, I'm sorry to say, giving up your bonus has not increased my respect for you.'

'I think I can...'

'Your presentation left them open-mouthed. Every one of them was yawning!'

'Hank, if I find one more of these things in the lawn, I'm going to throw away that damn crossbow.'

Budget Cuts

'Look - the giant is dead! You got your cow back! Stop worrying about the loss of the bean crop!'

'Don't worry Hal, I think if you pour salt on them, they completely shrivel up.'

"I'm not trying to sell you anything, sir. I'm doing market research, and all I ask is two or three hours of your time to answer a few thousand questions."

"On price, we always beat the competition. That's where you come in."

"Hello, I'm calling to cancel my subscription to the Punch-of-the-Month basket."