Subscriber Sleuth Gifts

The free-trial period is evil genius – They don't have to sell us their souls for a year, but you know they'll forget to cancel.

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"I hate it when they put kittens in the impulse buying section."

Clickbait

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

'What an execrable day. I got drenched in a Wiki leak and buried in a document dump.'

Low Hanging Fruit

Alphabet soup

The Modern Godot

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

Spy Satellite

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

Checkout for $385.00 or more.

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

What security flaw?

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

"Don't mind me. I'm just nosy."

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

'Remember, all these security cameras are for YOUR protection...otherwise, I'd come over there and smack you.'

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'

Galen Weston jr. comes clean.

'It's okay, mom. I go through this every day at school.'

"Have you ever noticed how the eyes seem to follow you around the room?"

F.B.I. An equal opportunity phone tapper without regard to race, sex, or national origin.

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

Advanced Password Hint

"You have exceeded the maximum number of incorrect password attempts."

"I typed the incorrect password for my online banking so much that not only did they lock me out - they locked me up."