Subpoena King Gifts

Portrait of a Serial Attorney.

Counting ribs

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

TV-Man

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'Guess what? I won again.'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

The Unhappy King

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

An Advance Visit From The Three Wise Men

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

The Royal Wii

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

'You have the contract drafted by the lawyer. This is his bill for it.'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

'You fancy yourself as a press baron, don't you?'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

"Remember, junior, in America anyone can aspire to become the most powerful person in government - the special prosecutor!"

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."