Stylistic Humorist Gifts

Westport Grunge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

Football Chameleon

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"The Eggsorcist"

"1-1"

Honest Vending

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.