Style Savvy T-Shirts

Designer labels "I'm sorry, but I think I've forgotten your name."

"Have you ever wondered what I'd look like in skinny jeans?"

Yves Saint Laurent face mask

"This is our new one-piece for the more mature ladies."

'Take ten years off the top.'

Bra. No Bra.

'Growing a beard?' - 'Yes, not so much face to wash.'

'Maybe a tad too much eye makeup.'

'We want to adopt a kid. Do you have a choice our feng shui consultant can look at?'

'What do you call a blonde doing hand stands? A brunette.'

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

'I can just make it out. She's saying 'call my hairdresser'.'

What every man thinks to himself when he puts on a pink shirt.

I travel Prada whenever I can."

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Thank god I bought my layers."

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"And now. . . which shoes?"

New Suit.

Hats and Food

The Coiffing - to Illustrate poem 'The Ballad of a Barber'

Arms reach through a mirror to straighten a man's bow tie.

'No way Doug! You can not stick it to the man in new season, smart casual menswear!'

Dress for Success suit shop: 'Can I pay you for it later, after I get successful?'

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

The Return Of The Minipants

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"Don't say a word! Your eyes, your hair, your T-shirt, your luggage—they say it all."

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

"It's a nice halo and all, but I'm not sure it matches my outfit."

"This IS my day-to-night outfit"