Style Newbie Gifts

"What's my collar size?"

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

'Awright...Who's the dirty, lowdown varmint who's copyin' my plaid-shirt-and-stone-wash-jeans-with-matching-boots-and-vest ensemble?'

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

New Shoes.

Pampered and poodled.

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

Mister Pretty Shoes

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

"I don't like your application."

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

Arms reach through a mirror to straighten a man's bow tie.

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

"Do you do much walking?"

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

'No way Doug! You can not stick it to the man in new season, smart casual menswear!'

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

Changing Room Decisions

"Of course, lots of women are just going bare-headed."

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."