Student Affairs Professional Gifts

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"We've scrapped the plan for a debate on the motion 'No Platforming is an infringement of free speech' on the grounds that anyone speaking in favour would be far too controversial."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

U of Debt

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

All Hail the Matriarchy

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"There are no dumb questions, Billy, but there are plenty of dumb answers!"

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

IN OUT UP DOWN AND ALL AROUND

If I had sleeves, I'd roll them up...

Records?

"I need a gap year."

Attack of the 50 foot administrative professional.

'Always the wise guy.'

"Yay, we have an agenda for today's meeting!"

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"Ms. Sweeney, take a letter, a memo, an email, a tweet, a text, never mind...I forgot what I was going to say."

"Sorry, but no. I can't lend you a student to help clean up your yard."

"Term paper?! How do we do that? We haven't done a term paper all year!"

'Mr. Barnes has been riding his motorcycle, so he's a little behind on his paperwork. If you'll take a seat, he should be with you in a few hours.'

Gone for Broke College

Uni. Snowflake Library

'See, this is proof that your criticism of our educational system is right on!'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

"Uh-huh, I see... and how did you get along with the other adopted sections of this highway?"

Master of Disaster

Oughta reply

"You've spent the last 20 years in college. what made you stop hiding from the real world?"

After Hours Surgery.

"Have you read this report? Staff are spending 60% of their time on admin!"

We have too many students! I know. Send them home!

'You are a credit to the human race, Yardsley. Unfortunately, you're a liability to this firm.'

Student Council. Ernie's no longer on the student council, but he's sticking around as a lobbyist.