Strict Instructor Gifts

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

Wow. Totaled. Teen Test Dummy.

Kirsten Johnson

'Leadership training.'

"Looks like your rock cakes are a big hit this year, dear...."

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

'I'm being punished. Nothing even remotely electronic for two weeks.'

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

"This is a teaching hospital."

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

'Forget everything I told you about flying.'

School Supply Room. Look at this -- a calculator, a protractor and a compass! You've discovered the missing weapons of math instruction!

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

"… and once you've finished advanced infantry training, you'll be assigned to film school."

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

"And when the little hand gets to the nine, it means... ah, just check your cell phones."

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

Physics 101. An object in motion remaining in motion is an example of what law? Easy come, easy go!

Creative Writing 101. When it comes to writing lean, simple prose, there's the wrong way, the right way and the Hemingway.

'Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs!'

'Why English teachers were rarely hung in the old west.'

'I'd like to overwhelm them with instructional excellence, but I'm not above winning through intimidation.'

'Do any of you have experience with jumping and landing?'

'Teachers' Dreams.' 'Mike, did you just call me the B-Word, you fatherless good-for-nothing piece of excrement?'

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

"Curling up with a good book is one thing, but now you're taking a shelfie?"

'Teachers' Dreams.' 'Young man, either you remove your hand from under her sweater or I will remove it your arm.'