Street Sermon Enthusiast Gifts

Want to hear some preaching?

Free speech isn't cheap!

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

Sermon Applause.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

Spiritual Lives Matter

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

"Repent! The Venga bus is coming!"

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

"He's always been an optimist."

Today's Sermon: We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. Is there any chance of a bailout?

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"I've been trying to apply that 'forgive and forget' principle..."

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

Sex and violence/hell and brimstone.

"Do we not come to this Redemption Center because we have refund value? Yes! But do not think you are worth but one nickel for that would be 'soft moralizing'."

'Think about it, if it were not for evil we would be out of a job.'

"Bangin’ rims. Sears?"