Stranded Story Lover Gifts

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

'Okay, this time I've added - "How do you rate this message?" with one to five stars.'

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"I just never 'think I can' anymore."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'What luck! A sound technician.'

"What did Jesus order?"

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

Fyodor Dostoevsky

"Now here's a tale that'll make you hair stand on end"

"Me Tarzan. You CGI."

Alice in Wonderland - The Pig Baby.

Queen says: 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... 'It's all so subjective' is not an acceptable answer.'

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

William Tell

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

Fairy tale

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

'I thought you were going for a walk in the woods. Your porridge has been cooling on the table for hours! '

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

'What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'Pirate's Cove is about a half mile down the beach.'

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.