Storytime Switcheroos Gifts

"When we left off last night, we were on page 15 of the National Intelligence Estimate. "

Swan Fairy Tales

"Just let her believe in fairies a little while longer."

Birds reading over woman's shoulder

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

"Can you read me a bedtime story about ponies, next time?"

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

"It had an interesting emotional arc and some nice plot twists, but the heroine and subsidiary characters were unconvincing within the historical context."

". . . and they lived happily ever after. . . in an aspirational sort of way."

'Because he was the one who had to milk her. That's why Jack traded the cow for a handful of beans.'

'Once upon a time, in a faraway land with a budget surplus...'

'Freddie, the Little Merger Mogul, didn't expect to have a monopoly right away...'

"Mom, what season is it when the leaves fall off the trees and are replaced with plastic bags?"

'Ark, Noah - not arc!'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

'Why is it that there are so many bedtime stories about stupid princes and princesses, but no cool ones about zombies and chainsaws?'

"These beans that Jack planted...can we assume they were genetically modified?"

"And all was good within the kingdom...until the evil prince introduced income tax!"

"Put a bit more expression into it..." "We can't tell the difference between the elephant and the mouse!"

'...and then the wicked witch cast a spell, turning the beautiful princess into a freckled, chubby, little girl.'

"Did Robin Hood give to the poor only for the deduction?"

'Deep in the woods, the children came upon the most wondrous sight.'

"Your sense of loss, … Is it youth, .. Innocence, hopes and dreams, of is it actually sheep?"

"It's not fair! School was out an hour ago. . . I don't wanna be sick now!"

Kid to mom about 'Little Red Riding Hood' story: 'You know, that would make one heck of an action flick.'

''...And the Prince and Princess lived happily ever after, but elsewhere, fighting continued.''

Lady reading

"Your story would have been better at 2x speed."

'I have to wear this stuff - my Mom has a cold.'

Rap Dancing Snake: 'Recently she only dances to Lawrence Welk's Polak Music.'