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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"Regarding your letter of next Monday ... "

Will Self deprecation

"I'm not a food critic I'm a literary critic and I've found the prose on your menu to be second-rate."

Waiting Room For Godot.

"Tests! That's one thing I don't like about the end of school. I can't believe it! You're not finished studying, either?"

A writer goes sailing.

"So basically, it's an autobiomeoirography!"

'It's the new directive from Brussels. We're to steal from everybody and give directly to the banks.'

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."

Woman and books.

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

Tall tales, short stories

What the Person Sitting Next to You at Starbucks is 'Working On'

"First, let me begin by admitting that the unexpected and rather brazen theft of our teleprompter has left me somewhat speechless."

'It's not his name - It's what he does all the time.'

Pencil Rubber

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

'Your story is extremely sexist, dubious and dumb, the characters are one-dimensional and primitive. In other words - you wrote a bestseller, mister!'