Storyteller Of School Adventures Pillows

'I'm Kevin's teacher and I came to meet the cruel stepmother who won't let him do homework...'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'A dog ate my homework.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

To lessen the strain on their backs, many students are opting for the new Velcro shirts.

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

Lice outbreak at Jungle High (lion with a shaved head).

I miss recess!

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"I turned five. That's why I'm here. What are you in for?"

'Ok, class, let's take attendance. Joey?'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

Criminal background checks on teachers? How come? To weed out child abusers. Ha! When you taught, you were routinely accused of severe abuse, mother. True. I inflicted the letters "C," "D" and "F" on many of my students. Wow! That's so outlawed.

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

Social distancing

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

'Today, in kindergarten, we learned how to count to one.'

Littletown High School. And that's where Bubba Parker stomped me

'I must be growing up. I've caught myself washing my hands without being told to.'

You're awesome, Larry! When that teacher said 'there are no dumb questions'...you sure proved HER wrong!"

"I forgot my homework, but there's a video of me doing it on youtube."

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

'Yep, I did eat his homework, but he begged me to.'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

'Dad, the teacher said my grades remind her of old times. She says she was your teacher too.'

'My brother is going to stay with a family in France, and a French boy is coming to stay with us. Did you know your parents could exchange you?'