Storyteller Delight Gifts

Horseless headman.

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"Feel free to take notes."

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

'This goes way beyond just keeping the flies off me...I'm fighting crime now too!'

'I'm sorry but my little boy, Jack, ruined them all today.'

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

"Tell us again about the humpback of Notre dame."

We never got anything done around here until we invented verbs.

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

"Lady... I gotta work order to fix a leaky roof."

"Come in, minion."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"I'm writing a memoir. It's mostly recipes."

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

"So it was a performance enhancing drug."

I get my ideas on sale...

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Let's face facts: You're not as young as you used to be. Too much caffeine can literally kill you. Poppycock! Do you know who you're talking to? When we stormed across Europe under Patton, my tank battalion got stuck in the mud during a torrential downpour. Arty Lang switched my canteen full of rainwater with one full of tank gas. So I replaced his tank's timing belt with tree bark and dental floss. That big galoot and I were always pranking each other lik

Press freedom day

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

'Your novel has an up-to-the-moment breaking news quality. We intend to publish it in 2012.'

Jonah met a strange wooden boy in the belly of the whale.

"Darn! And me without my camera!!"

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

Frank, how is "rhetorical" spelled? Hey, that's a non-rhetorical question!

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"

"A vibrant imagination is an excellent quality for the job...but not the CV."

marionette