Storybook Villain Fan Gifts

Child catcher from 'Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang' as a truancy prevention officer.

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Where the wild things were."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Scarpia from Tosca

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

'A coach would be nice. But vegetable will get me a BMW?'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Cupid

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Sleeping Beauty

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

Many princes attempted to wake Sleeping Beauty, before one of them simply kissed her'

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

'With this organ transplant, you may find yourself doing a lot of thinking with your heart,'

"Aha Mr. Bond - you are in my power!....but instead of just killing you, I'll blether on and on about my plans for world domination so you have time to think of an ingenious way to escape my clutches..."

'They are known as 'The Magnificent Seven'!'

"If only we had adventures like in this book. I wouldn't even know where to begin to look..." "You may find, fun is always on my mind! Shall we take the weego my amigo?"

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."