Storybook Villain Fan Pillows

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Where the wild things were."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Scarpia from Tosca

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Cupid

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Sleeping Beauty

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Many princes attempted to wake Sleeping Beauty, before one of them simply kissed her'

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

More Pardons

'The little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and shopped online...'

"If only we had adventures like in this book. I wouldn't even know where to begin to look..." "You may find, fun is always on my mind! Shall we take the weego my amigo?"

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."