Storybook Creator Gifts

"Little Miss Muffet sat on a... puppet? Strumpet? Trumpet? Musket, crumpet... I'm the worst children's author ever." Mother Goose struggles...

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Late night teddy reading

The Runaway Horse

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

The Poky Little Pupa.

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

"Where the wild things were."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'He was a handsome young prince when I married him.'

Knights of the bedside table.

Alice in Wonderland-Hare and Hatter putting Dormouse in Teapot

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

'A coach would be nice. But vegetable will get me a BMW?'

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

'Of course it's safe. It has no preservatives, no additives, no artificial coloring...'