Story Crafter Gifts

"It hasn't been published yet. Bloody idiots wouldn't recognize a great book if it jumped up and bit them on the ass."

Writer's Block

"Hey, guys, I need a speech in 20 minutes. Could you make these scattered thoughts and half-baked conclusions into a compelling narrative?"

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

Writers without borders.

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

Kirsten Johnson

'Is this your first book launch?'

Brain Power

Temporary and Permanent Writer's Block

'Man asleep in double bed with a pencil.'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Book publisher telling author about some changes needed.

Book publishing.

A potter paints a barcode on a pot.

Day 38 of self-isolation and many people are using the time to discover and enjoy new hobbies.

"I love you, I'll follow you to the ends of the earth, but I'm through getting slippers for someone who hasn't published anything since 1997."

'Radiology confirms that, like many other teachers of English, you do have a book in you.'

"I'm sorry-you tapped into something no one cares about."

'The first thing we will do is select a block captain.'

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

Charles Dickens.

"I finally got my wife to read my manuscript. She said the main character was a sleazebag devoid of a moral compass. It's an autobiography."

"Someone to collect your works, dear."

John Galsworthy

"Winter must be coming. The people in my novel are starting to wear mittens."