Narrative Crafters Gifts

'We have good news and bad news. The good news is we've developed a credible spin for the bad news...'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Noah's life jacket demonstration

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Today in school we learned how to glue!"

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

Blog Breakdown

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

The Remote Olympics

John Galsworthy

Toni Morrison

"We love your manuscript! It's exactly the sort of big, sprawling epic we've been looking for!"

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

"Well, I've been struggling to write a book about my struggle to write a book..."

"Always exaggerate. It makes life seem more interesting."

"These are my windscreen credits."

"It hasn't been published yet. Bloody idiots wouldn't recognize a great book if it jumped up and bit them on the ass."

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."

Favorite Selections from 800,000 Things To Do With a Scarf

Kid imagines shop project getting an A; teacher imagines the same project in his fireplace.

Great literary festival heckles.

"Okay, the mice can be blind, but if we introduce a carving knife, we'll have to use it in the third stanza."

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

"I was writing a novel based on the idea of a man suffering from déjà vu, until I realised it had been done before."

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

Politician has inout box labeled 'spinspun'.

"Your life's story lacks a protagonist."