Story Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Now this is what I call a true work of genius. . . And I haven't even read it yet."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Victor Hugo

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

'Where was the TSA?'

Audio Books

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

The Family Joules: Part 21

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Math Camp. I should have read the brochure more carefully before I signed up -- It says "Go on an add-venture and have sum fun"!

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Hansel and Gretal

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"Don't worry your majesty, they can't see you, this is a one way mirror."

Malcolm Sargent

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Twenty Seven

"This is what's known as a book."

Zora Neale Hurston

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

Jacques et Jille

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."