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"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Characters jumping out of a book.

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

My Aunt's Left Hook Expels Uriah From The Chaise

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

The Truth

It's a picture book. The words aren't called "subtitles."

Getting the bus back into town from the Bologna Children's Book Fair...

'I suspect the cow jumping over the moon is an illusion or swamp gas.'

Jack and the Beanie stock.

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

'As I see it, Pinocchio was motivated by a need to prove himself while both hansel and Gretel were driven by an inborn rebelliousness.'

Mirror tells wicked queen from Snow White: 'If you do not wish to know the truth, please look away now.'

"That's it?! Boy exploits tree, tree suffers? Shel Silverstein was nuts!"

You're on the "Ask Sadie" show. What's your problem?! I just found out "Empire" and "Star" are in the same universe. For months I've been telling everyone I knew that "Star" was a blatant ripoff of "Empire." But then I found out they're made by the same people and they're in the same tv universe, and I'm like totally fine with it now. Stop it! We speak "English" on this show, not "tv addict"! Wait a minute ... are we talking about soap operas? Because there's an exception for soap operas. No, we

The author will be signing books for fifteen minutes.

'He's giving us a final request? Ask for a glass of Beaujolais Nouveau - that'll give us till November.'

"An interesting selection, Dad, yet essentially a failure-as you can see, I'm still awake."

Hypnotist - "You are going into a deeeep sleeep"

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'TV on the blink?'

"Is there no escape from escapism?"

"Brick, Eh? Well, sorry to blow your house down but these days it's not wise to be so invested in stability."

'Once upon a time there were some me with big sticks, and these men, they said to everyone else...'

Cat books

'HOLD ON! You're telling me that out of the whole population, in an entire kingdom, this glass slipper fitted just ONE person?!'

Youtube reviews make me feel old, Randy. Well … they're always full of whining, nitpicky, smug people complaining that the film or tv show wasn’t easy enough to follow. Reviewers complain that characters actions "don't make sense," as if they unaware that people often don't make sense. Or that a scene wasn't "necessary," as if establishing character doesn't matter. They complain that the plot was "confused," but when I was growing up, that just meant the viewer wasn't paying enough attention. It

The Never Ending Story

'Book within a Book'

"The hardest thing about giving up a life of crime is getting used to relazing at home with a good book."

"Clever plot, but who can concentrate without some gratuitous sex and violence?"

I'm so confused about Star Wars. Anakin Skywalker was good, then he turned into evil Darth Vader. It's just a movie, Timmy. It's important to remember that. Oh. What about Governor Cuomo. The dark side is powerful.