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"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Characters jumping out of a book.

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

My Aunt's Left Hook Expels Uriah From The Chaise

The Truth

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

Getting the bus back into town from the Bologna Children's Book Fair...

'I suspect the cow jumping over the moon is an illusion or swamp gas.'

Jack and the Beanie stock.

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

'As I see it, Pinocchio was motivated by a need to prove himself while both hansel and Gretel were driven by an inborn rebelliousness.'

Mirror tells wicked queen from Snow White: 'If you do not wish to know the truth, please look away now.'

'He's giving us a final request? Ask for a glass of Beaujolais Nouveau - that'll give us till November.'

The author will be signing books for fifteen minutes.

"That's it?! Boy exploits tree, tree suffers? Shel Silverstein was nuts!"

"An interesting selection, Dad, yet essentially a failure-as you can see, I'm still awake."

Hypnotist - "You are going into a deeeep sleeep"

'TV on the blink?'

'Once upon a time there were some me with big sticks, and these men, they said to everyone else...'

"Is there no escape from escapism?"

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

"Brick, Eh? Well, sorry to blow your house down but these days it's not wise to be so invested in stability."

Cat books

'HOLD ON! You're telling me that out of the whole population, in an entire kingdom, this glass slipper fitted just ONE person?!'

'Book within a Book'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Clever plot, but who can concentrate without some gratuitous sex and violence?"

The Never Ending Story

"The hardest thing about giving up a life of crime is getting used to relazing at home with a good book."