Stoplight Sprinter Gifts

"Zero to 60 in 4 seconds. Think of it! You'll be the fastest guy to the next red light!"

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

"Do you think that will count as our 'Fifteen minutes of fame'?"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Professional man hurdling

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

'I'm a star!'

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

"For my next trick, I'll require an audience."

'We are in a race against time and the auditors. Gentlemen...start your shredders!'

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

Runner's High, Runner's Low

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport

'Take a picture...it'll last longer.'

Seasonal shopping.

'You're never going to win any race in those platform shoes.'

A woman bows to the crowd

'The publisher wants to know how the article on the booming economy is coming along.'

Time Run

Cheetah in at the start of a race, thinking: 'Why do I have to keep proving myself?'

"Well of course we don't all freeze up in the spotlight."

"When it came to running, Kevin was second to none."

'How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?'

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

"Nothing showy, but we would like to be publicized."

"OK darling think gracious ... you don't care that you didn't win ...it's beneath you ... and keep clapping ..."

"Shoot. I'm gonna be late to class again."

"Business has been so good that I can now pay you a salary...mom!"

Overcoming the obstacles of the Internet

Little girl running alongside athlete asking for autograph.

'No thanks: I'm more of a sprinter than a jogger...'