Stoner Comedy Fan Gifts

Kitty stoners.

"Has anyone got the faintest idea what we started to build?"

Fried Chicken.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

The Rooster Comedian.

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"Am I sensing fear?"

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

Girl in cow onesie.

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"Pass that."

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

Stephen Fry

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'

No, they're not divorced --- She said that's her "ox-husband."

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

Emergency Disguise at the CIA

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

Optometrist Humor

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

Will hide my face with this sign for food. ?

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

Moon Line UP

Ted Cruz announced he's running for president. He's not going to win. He was the first to announce. No first-announcer has won since 1952. Besides, his name's too similar to Tom Cruise. And Tom Cruise is so not in right now. HOJ. We should have our own political show. If I an do it shirtless, I'm in.

Woody Allen

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'