Stone Face Fancier Gifts

"Everyone kept telling me 'Oh, these statues will blow you away.' That's ridiculous. They look stupid, vacant, dull, empty-headed, dopey, ignorant..."

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

'We know you have a cat.'

People leave joke shop with false moustache, nose and glasses marketed as 'the Robert Winston'.

"Oh, we've got to nip this little trick in the bud right away."

"Too much club."

"The narrative seems contrived."

Street painter puts real face on man with happy face.

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

Tom Bagley's Outer Shell.

The ambush.

"This must be Easter Island!"

'Cat scans are for felines. I will give your dog a pet scan.'

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Graeae

Online Dog Dating

'This is no time to decide that you'd rather be doing something else!'

'Don't give me that 'hairball' excuse again. Just admit it - you don't like my cooking!'

"She feeds me the same stuff every single day, yet I can't help approaching it like I have NO idea what it could possibly be!"

'Guarding the house, bringing Master his newspaper and slippers does not require much skill, does it? Catching mice, on the other hand...'

'Oh no, the chickens have killed another fox.'

''E's going for the 'double'!'

'Next please.'

'I don't know - with all these feathers you'd think there'd be a bird in here somewhere.'

"You haven't napped until you've napped on the hood of a '57 Chevy."

'No, they won't have kittens. They are brother and sister.'

Treatment would eventually prove to be completely ineffective. And that for cats, being psychotic is perfectly normal.

'Did you make it look like a cover up?'

'I might look very exotic to you kiddo, but where I come from, I'm rather common...'

'My dad is a great hunter too: You should see him stalking his rubber mouse!'

Alleyway cat

'Cover your eyes.'

"Mom, it's horrible! Eddie really is a cat person!"

Cats Discuss a String 'It's the new iString'