Stock Savvies Gifts

"When I said we were going public, That didn't mean you were supposed to divulge our secret recipe."

The day the stock market went UP.

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

His temperature appears to rise and fall with the FT index

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

Cheer up, you'll get your day.

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'Tech stocks performed better today after the market was defragged.'

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

"I'm Bobby. If you like the lemonade, perhaps you'd like to invest in the 'Jimmy's Lemonade' franchise, listed in NASDAQ..."

'No doubt about it, John, zero does represent a critical support level for this stock.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

August is corporate earnings restatement season.

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

Man leaving 'Wall St, closed-end mutual funds' building with hand full of money.