Stock Prediction Expert Pillows

Why markets crash.

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

World Economic Crisis.

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

"He'll do anything to say in power."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

'I'll be in late, Ms.Fernwood. Did I get any important margin calls, default, stock splits, foreclosures or bailouts?'

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.