Stock Market Gurus Pillows

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Will work for ETFs

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"Invest in technology."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

The Shrinking Dollar.

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Business is off the chart.

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

'Well, dad, as a medical student I've got to read specialized literature!'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

Dow Jones drop

'I'll be in late, Ms.Fernwood. Did I get any important margin calls, default, stock splits, foreclosures or bailouts?'

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

Jumping Wall Street.

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'