Stock Market Satire Appreciator Gifts

"Of course you have a balanced portfolio, Ms. Osroid. Your big pharma stocks are 50% downers and 50% uppers."

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'Oh Hi!'

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

"Steamed vegetables."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

The Greek Trampoline

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Russia Money Laundering

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Amateurs."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Got stuck in Iraqi oil, Unca Sam?

Historic Bank Jobs.

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."