Stock Market Comic Gifts

'I'm mostly interested in 'small company' stocks.'

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

The Contrarian funds

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

Stock Market Research and Analysis

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall? Was he invested in emerging markets?"

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

"Any questions?" (Company's down the toilet.)

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

'I'm calling my invention 'IPO'.'

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

"We've lowered our IPO price so many times, the Street's referring to it as an Initial Pathetic Offer."

Morgue for Dot Com Stocks

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

"I recommend that you dump the tech stocks and go into acorns."

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'