Sticky-shelled Philosopher T-Shirts

"I don't get it, everybody talks about 'working from home' as if it's something new."

Pigeon Little

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Reverse psychology

Beyond the known and the unknown.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'It had taken some time, but the finding of a spaghetti junction brought immense satisfaction.'

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

Fish Food

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"It Works For Us."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"Did you ever notice, the snow is always whiter on the other side of the glacier?"

'I've been under a lot of pressure.' (Diver on therapist's couch).

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

Phrenology - Braille Edition.

The end is near.