Stick Seeker Gifts

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

"Can you describe the stick?"

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

First Church of Non-Denominational Money Worship.

Canine conundrum.

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"It's exhausting trying to keep him from throwing away perfectly good sticks."

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

Man admires his Cubist Painting.

Missing sock

"Yes, they've hired a professional dog-walker! Frankly, I would have preferred a dog-runner or at least a ball or stick thrower..."

'I've discovered that the rings around Saturn are composed of lost keys, socks and grocery lists.'

Control in the workplace.

Stonehenge Imitation

"He who controls the Internet controls the world."

The best part of leaf piles... are the sticks.

Lean beef

'Assuming moral absolutes - good dog.'

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

'Good boy. That's better than the others, but still too long. For playing fetch, I prefer a shorter stick, shaped like that, without bark or moss, and not quite as heavy.'

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

Why One Sock is Always Missing

"Let me see if I have it correctly, sir. To hell with the appetizer. A chopped sirloin that damn well better be rare. No goddam relish tray. Who cares which salad dressing, since they all taste like sludge?"

I have no problem chasing a stick. I mean, as long as it's for a good cause.

"The steak is here to give its full consent."

"I did the laundry while studying. Unfortunately, my mom can't find the lost socks or my missing assignments."

'You and your stones collection.'

'Let's switch sides. My feet are killing me.'

'I'm a court jester -- my socks aren't supposed to match!'

"Hello, ambulence service, please."

"Great waves to day, dude!"

"It seems an ungrateful and disrespectful monster has taken over Baldo's brain."

No Surprises

'Okay Bob, but this is the last time. . . Honestly, if that stick is so important to you, you're going to have to learn to take better care of it.'

Rusty was a very smart dog.