Stick Connoisseur Gifts

'Good boy. That's better than the others, but still too long. For playing fetch, I prefer a shorter stick, shaped like that, without bark or moss, and not quite as heavy.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

The Main Types of Cheese

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Cheese

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

The Running of the Brie

'Is this a party, a cheese and wine do, a cocktail party, a soiree or just another of your old cronies get-togethers?'

Rejoice! It's time to celebrate the baby cheeses!

"Just toot my horn and I'll be there."

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

"Of course I love you more than cheese. What a silly question. In fact, cheese and I are just friends. Nothing's going on between cheese and me."

'I didn't write the book report. I downloaded and printed it directly from the Internet, but I did collate and staple it myself.'

Great moments in 'Haute Cuisine'. . . America gives the world the Donut Sandwich.

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'Fill her up. No ice - it takes up valuable space!'

Next Round Indicator

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"Cheese is just a substitute for the love you've never given me."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'Has someone cut the cheese?'

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

'I do enjoy the winter olympics.'

'Well, it was just a first draft.'

Moliere

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

Charles Dickens.

Still hemorrhaging; NBC cancels "The Cheeseheads"

Bleak House

'Take a picture...it'll last longer.'