Cue Stick Connoisseur Gifts

"You don't need English on every shot."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

Imagine

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

"I'd like a wine that was born in France and then bummed around California."

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Mass Confucian

Good Cop, Bad Clown: 'Ok, ok I'll tell you what you want! Just make that creepy clown stop staring at me!'

'Who are you and what do you want?'

"What?!! I'm reducing friction on the ice."

Snooker.

Murdered man spells out his murderer in alphabet soup.

"I'm working on a watercolor."

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

Blue wine

'Maybe if you make it smaller, put something soft on the end and come up with a better name than 'Cue-Tip'...'

'Good boy. That's better than the others, but still too long. For playing fetch, I prefer a shorter stick, shaped like that, without bark or moss, and not quite as heavy.'

'Assuming moral absolutes - good dog.'

"Yeah, you win! I only have five prehensile limbs myself..."

"Don't worry, we'll soon have you all sorted out."

"Five ball in the corner pocket." "Me in the side pocket!"

Joke traffic signs.

Old lady spying on the neighbours using a webcam.

The pilgrimage begins

"We have a Sauvignon Blanc to refresh your palate or a lick of this toad to obliterate your sense of self."

"I'd like to be transferred to the Bureau of Cubes...Immediately."

Rubik's Cubicle

'I would hardly call Dick and Jane must reading, would you?'