Steel Beam Diner Gifts

'Ah, man, empty again. Ever since my wife left me...'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'The customer is always right...'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Sushi Train Spotters

'Excellent cork, go ahead and pour.'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

Man finds a python in his breakfast egg

'What the devil is that?' - 'I don't know, I haven't named it yet.'

Road Kill Cafe.

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

"I'll have the chef."

"The flounder's not bad, but it's you I'm nuts about."

"Dinner looks delicious."