Stats Analysis Gifts

'At this point, I'll ask all of you to follow me to the conference room directly below us!'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

Reading my Critics

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."